A story about a marriage meeting in Islam
Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whose parents emphasised for him to get married. they had seen so many marriage proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was becoming a little ridiculous or suspected that he may have someone else in mind.
However every time the parents left the girls house, the young man would always say 'she's not the one!'
The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing, however one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet a girl, who was religious, and practicing.
On that evening, the young man, and girl, were left to talk, and ask each other questions. (As one would expect).
The young man, being a gentleman that he was allowed, the lady to ask first.
The young girl asked the young man so many questions, she asked about his life, his education, his friends, his family, his habits, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his pastimes and his experiences.
The young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring, and politely, with a smile the young girl took up nearly all of the time, over an hour, and felt bad, and asked the young man do you have any questions?
The young man said, it's ok. I only have 3 questions...
The young girl thought, wow, only 3 questions okay, shoot.
The young man's first question was,
Who do you love the most in the world, someone who's love nothing would ever overcome?
She said, this is an easy question; my mother, he smiled
second question, he asked, you said that you read a lot of Qur'an, could you tell me which Surahs you know the meaning of?
Hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said, I do not know the
meaning of any yet, but I am hoping to soon insha'allah I've just been a bit busy.
The third question the young man asked, was I have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are a lot more prettier than you, why should I marry you?
Hearing this the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents with fury, and said I do not want to marry this man he is insulting my beauty and intelligence.
And the young man and his parents, were once again, left without an agreement of marriage.
This time, the young mans parents were really angry, and said what did you do to anger that girl, the family were so nice, and pleasant and they were religious like you wanted. What did you ask the girl?? Tell us!
The young man said, firstly I asked her, who do you love the most? she said, her mother,
The parents said so, what is wrong with that??
The young man said, 'no one, is Muslim, until he loves Allah, and his messenger (saw) more than anyone else in the world'
If a woman loves Allah and the Prophet (pbuh) more than anyone, she will love me and respect me, and stay faithful to me, because of that love, and fear for Allah (swt). and we can share this love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty.
The young man said, then I asked, you read a lot of Qur'an, can you tell me the meaning of any Surah?
And she said no, because I haven't had time yet. so I thought of that hadith 'ALL humans, are dead except for those who have knowledge'
She has lived 20 years and not found ANY time, to seek knowledge, why would I marry a woman, who does not know her rights, and responsibilities, and what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the woman IS the madrasa (school) and the best of teachers.
And a woman who has no time for Allah, will not have time for her husband.
The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, more prettier than her, had approached me for marriage, why should I choose you?
That is why she stormed off, getting angry.
The young man's parents said that is a horrible thing to say, why would you do such a thing, we are going back there to apologise.
The young man said I said this on purpose, to test whether she could control her anger.
The Prophet (saw) said 'do not get angry, do not get angry, do not angry' when asked how to become pious; because anger is from Satan.
If a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she has just met, do you think she will be able to control it with her husband??
So, the moral of this story is, a marriage is based on,
knowledge, not looks,
practice, not preaching,
Forgiveness, not anger,
spiritual love, not lust.
and compromise
One should look for a person who
1) Has love for Allah (swt) and the messenger (saw)
2) Has knowledge of the deen, and can act upon it.
3) can control her anger and another important and crucial factor. that she be
4) willing to compromise.
And it goes both ways, so women seeking a man, should look for the same things.
Insha'allah, may Allah make every marriage a success, and let us create Love for Allah and his messenger(saw) so that Allah can bless us, and create love in our lives.
Our beloved prophet (may peace be upon him) said
There is no better structure founded in Islam other than marriage.
24 comments - Click link below to add yours:
that was really nice...but don't u think that it would be better for u to try ands change some1 to the straight path coz no1 is perfect...instead of u hurting her like that u should explain to her
I'm not sure if this answers your question but there is a Hadeeth regarding women and marriage,
The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman; (otherwise) you will be a loser."
Every woman should endeavour to be a good muslim and so should ever man, we are all here as a test from Allah, to him we came from, to him we shall return.
Inshallah someone will reply soon that knows more, very good point you have raised.
Answer to Muslimah,
First of All Hadith of Prophet Peace Be Upon Him saying there is three things where a man can be successful in his life first a large house, second a good condition of a transport and third a religious wife.
Now Marrying a women who decalres to have been reading the Quran but not aware of what Surahs! That dont make any sense, a women declaring to be religious and not able to control on her anger thats understandable cause shes not valiyat {friend of Allah Almighty}, but to show an anger on a question like that! not advisable that shows jahiliyat. Delcaring to be a good Muslim which your not then your a liar, u have commited a sin where I see Alhumdulillah brother is lucky in that story in understanding that, the only reason I had seen her to get angry was she had been proved that she was not speaking the truth. Islam is not only about being religious but a person cant become religious without a knowledge of Islam.
Which is true she should of been explained of her fault but she ran off! I dont see anything wrong in this story but for men and women {muslim} to understand of there society nowadays. Alhumdulillah, more u understand more u can expect. I will now finish off with a tradition story of Imaan.
There was a person who claimed to be a Muslim {now understand the wording if a person commits a big sins his/her imaan comes out from there body until they do taubah {ask forgiveness to Allah Almighty} had killed 99 people, he wanted to change himself his life his acts, he asked someone to show him to speak to a religious pious person that person was appointed in a mosque worshipping Allah Almighty. He asked a question I have killed 99 people is there any way Allah Almighty can forgive me. Pious person turned around saying how dare u say that killing 99 people then asking for forgiveness are u crazy. That person who came to see a light had seen darkness and killed the pious person making century {I'm not saying that pious person was wrong all I'm proving is a pious person without knowledge!} After some time he was getting more and more scared asked the same question in another city who was appointed again to a very knowledgable person, who replied to him Allah Almighty is Ghafour - Ur - Raheem he has created u sent u in this world, If he cant forgive u for your sins then tell me who can he paused after three seconds carried on saying ask for forgiveness Allah Almighty will forgive u and make sure u dont carry on with the sins like that, person hearing this had tears coming out from his eyes saying I wanted to hear this cause I can smell the taste of my grave and I wanted to but did not know how to or why to cause I have been brought up in jahiliyat Now u have shown the clear path to me.
This story is found in many fiqh ketabs also used sumarised hadith ketabs mostly found in classical ketabs.
So the sister carried out that is not right even if she is the reaction she had shown was definately not correct and brother asking that question was not allowed to explain as far as I can read she had ran off, if not then the brother should explain the answer as she would definately realised why that question was being asked.
He had high hopes. Too high. No-one is perfect. Are you?
I understand your point of view, but i still find the third question to be too harsh, especially for someone you just met. I know your trying to see her reaction, but by hurting someones feelings isn't the right way to do it. Do you think Allah (swt) would accept such behavior from you? insulting her looks? i don't think so... Again, as mentioned earlier no ones perfect, and if you didn't like the way she answered a question i think the best thing to do is either explain to her how you might disagree with one of her answers by showing her the right thing to do, or just walk away.
Imagine the girl asked you that question, what would your reaction be (I'm a guy)? i honestly would've been pissed! It's not a job interview where you're the boss, a word of advice, don't treat others in a way you wouldn't want to be treated. (I also posted the previous post 6/11/08 11:36 PM)
She doesn't have to tolerate such cruel question from a stranger!
The third question seems shallow and superficial and as a woman, I would have walked away too - not angry, just grateful that I didn't get stuck with an arrogant, shallow, ego-centric husband. The other two questions were very good, though.
I agree - beautiful story - but the third question was too harsh. Imagine what he might have done to the girl's confidence too. Not a nice thing to say!!
Must say story was very very interesting however (im a male) I dont think the answers that she gave there was nothin rong with them... ok maybe the 2nd ansa about the surahs but she can learn and she said she will inshallah...3rd well very very harsh seemed like a job interview or some sort...buh ALLAH S.W.T knows best!!
Ok, I understand the moral of this story. But the male character seems very haughty and arrogant. Which girl would ever want the very first things her husband tells her that "there are tons of girls prettier than you"... When you grow to love someone they become the defining meaning of beauty.
oh and if someone asked me who do I love the most in this world, I would think that they mean besides Allah and the prophet. Maybe that's so obvious that the girl didn't bother mentioning it. IN THIS WORLD... I would def. think that meant in present day besides Allah. The fact that the character seemed sooo snobby and a know-it-all goes to show that some ppl think they know so much and concentrate on such huge issues when they can't even grasp small things such as humblesness. Whoever wrote that story is just waaayyyy off to think it has any sense of morals in it. There are tons of ways to test someone's patience and "anger" other than insulting them and observing their reaction. That girl is probably scarred for life, and that guy DEFINETLY has issues. There's only so much you can know from a person on your first meeting with them, despite the fact that their probably nervous as hell.
I understand the moral of this story. But the male character seems very arrogant. Which a girl would never want the very first thing is that her husband tells her that "there are tons of girls prettier than you"... When you start to love someone they become the defining meaning of beauty to you and they maybe tons of prettier girls than her but out of all of them you eill like her
i have learn something new today thank you for this story and all ur comments :D
Questions were good but actually you shouldn't insult her beauty which is give by Allah to her.
Muslims are ordered to speak smoothely and respectively not to humiliate someone's status.
Anyway, it is very meaningful story which most people will learn from it.
Thanks for posting it.
SUBANALLAH I LOVE THIS STORY MASHAALLAH,I CAN NEVER GET TIRED OF READING THIS STORY.WE SHOULD BE LIKE THIS BROTHER WALLAHI.MAY ALLAH SWT REWARD HIM GREATLY ALLAHUMMA AAMEEN.JAZAKALLAHU KHAIR FOR POSTING THIS STORY,AND I HOPE THIS MESSAGE REACHES YOU IN THE HIGHEST IMAN AND IN GOOD HEALTH INSHAALLAH.ASALAAMU ALAIKUM WA RAHAMATULLAHI WA BARAKUTUH...
im a female and don't feel the last question was harsh, because when ur looking to get married u need to realize that there will be a women out there more beautiful than u and vice versa the man coming to you needs to realize that there are men out there more beautiful than him...we shudn't just look at how some1 looks...i think that was the whole point of the question, because she cud have anwsered that so nicely by say.."if u are looking to marry some1 more beautiful than me u shud do so, if that what u want ur marriage to be based on soley.Salaam
omg
mashallah the best story ever......may allah (swt) bless the ummah of the prophet Muhammed (saw).....Ameen!!!!!
salaam.
i will just say the story is not heart touching. it shows the man has lack of wisdom that he cannot teach someone to be on right path. bcz no one is pecfect in all fields of life be realistic not be emotional.
salaam
i shall just say that there are two remarks for this story
1. excellent ,this story is very interesting because it tells us that we should have faith in Allah.
2. i am sorry to say that this story also shows that man has lack of wisdom.
that was lame... the man himself dnt have fear of Allah that he rejected so many girls over these small issues.. why dont he marry one and make her real religious...
where did this story originate from? this is how u look for someone. its not quite possible to change the character of a person, fear of Allah can do that. it resembles the stories of the pious in some ways. he used his wisdom to accertain her character, thats in fact why they were there.
I dnt think both of them were right. He could av asked in a understandble way and if she is wise she cn gt him
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