22 June 2008

Marriage advice from a muslim mum

Asma Radiallahu anha said to her daughter at the time of her marriage:

"You are going to spend such a life where you shall have to live long and you are going to the bed of such a person who you have no acquaintance. You are going to love one with whom you had no love before. Make for him such a world, which will be heaven for you, prepare for him such a bed, which will be a pillar for you. Be such a slave for him that he may become your slave. Don't go willingly to him, lest you become to him an object of hatred. Don't remain far from him, lest he may forget you.When he remains near you, be near him, when he stays distant from you save your nose, ears and eyes.Let him not get from you except sweet smiles. Let him not hear from you except sweet words. Let him not see in you except beauty"

This is very touching advice from a mother to her daughter, I am not aware of its source. here goes..

1. Lead a life of contentment. Be content even with simple food. The dry bread and water, which is eaten with contentment, is better than a rich meal, which is eaten after your persistant complaints, forcing him to grudgingly provide it for you.

2. Always listen attentively to what your husband says. Give importance to what he says and do as he says. In this manner, you will soon win a place in his heart, because it is not really a person who is beloved, but what the person does that is most loved.

3. Tend your beauty carefully so that whenever he will look at you, he will be pleased with his choice. Within the limits of decency, use as much fragrance as possible, and remember that no part of your body or dress should repulse him.

4. Be always attractive to him, put Surma in your eyes, for beautiful eyes make a person's whole being beautiful in the eyes of the beholder. Bath and do ablution regularly, as this is the best perfume and the best way to cleanliness.

5. Prepare his meals before it is time as hunger becomes a flame if not satisfied. During the hours of rest, keep it quiet and peaceful as disturbed sleep makes a man miserable and angry.

6. Protect his home and treasure; let no one enter the house without his permission and do not waste his treasure by indulging in exhibition, for treasure can only be tended through good management and the family only through good sense.

7. Never disobey him and always keep his secrets, for disobeying such a honourable man would put fuel to fire and revealing his secrets would destroy his trust in you. And you, yourself will not be safe from his (retaliatory) double standards. Someone has rightly said " To be trusted is better than to be loved."

8. If he is grieved over something, then do not mention to him anything that has pleased you. Share his grief. When he is happy, do not disclose your hidden grief and do not complain to your husband about his behaviour. Be happy with him. otherwise you will be regarded as one who confuses him.

9. If you wish to be respectable in his eyes, then honour and respect him and act according to his wishes. Then at every stage of your life you will find him to be your best companion.

10. Hold fast onto this advice from me. Sweet flowers will not blossom in your life as long as you do not suppress your wish for his pleasure. My dear daughter, my darling! I bid farewell with these words and give you in Allah's care. May He make all steps in your life good and preserve you from all evil. (Ameen)

May Allah bless us with the ability to implement these advices into our married lives, and May Allah (swt) bless us with the ability to fulfill all the responsibilities and promises that come with the bond of marriage. Ameen